Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Distance

I'm so emotionally drained and weak right now, I don't know whether I can handle this on my own.
Sar just started training again at a new place and it's from 8.30am to about 6pm every weekday.
They are hardly allowed to text or call or anything like that so we practically only exchange a few lines a day.
After a day's training, he also gets rather tired and needs to study and read up on topics most of the time and I don't want to disturb him then or ask for a call because I know he wants to focus.
And with all this comes struggle.
I don't have a good history of holding up my emotions well in such situations, and neither am I very mentally strong when it comes to these things.
So I basically just well myself up and go into emotional despair at this 'distance'.

But I don't want to lay this burden on anyone. I just want to deal with it effectively.
I think I'm so used to having contact with him everyday for the past month or so that I forget how little contact we get when he used to work and how little contact we will get when he starts work again.
Maybe I will handle it better when that happens.
But right now I just can't handle it.
I am just a big emotional mess.
And it really sucks that the people he's with everyday get to spend more time with him than me.

I know what we have is much greater than this crap but I can't help myself right now.
All I feel is lost.
Do I need to suck it up/grow up?

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