Thursday, 20 November 2014

Life is fucked up and I fucking hate it



This will probably be the last photo of Bregy & I that I will put up for awhile.
It is hard writing this, and it is even harder for us emotionally.
Just about a week ago, he found out that he got accepted into an Australian uni and I found out a few days later.
I guess you could say I really got the shock of my life.
What entailed was an emotional whirlwind and an ocean of tears.
Because what this all means is that he will be leaving Singapore for good for the next 4 years, with no idea how frequent he is coming back (maybe even not at all).
With that said, you know there are only 2 options.
To do long distance or to stop where we are and let go for the 'better'.

Long distance is a total bitch, a worse bitch than all the other bitches in the world.
Hence, we decided that staying friends was the 'best' plan.
I put 'best' in inverted commas because letting go is never the best for me.
Letting go means a chance (and a high one) of moving on.
A chance of finding someone better, someone who will make new memories, who will give you butterflies in your stomach again, who will make you forget the person who was once your other half.
People change, and things change. And it has always been, in my opinion, the 'convenient' and 'easier' way to let go.
I know it is not as easy as I say it is, but it lessens the pain.

But nothing can cushion my fall, nothing can ease the pain and hurt of losing my other half.
He will still be my best friend, we will still talk everyday if we can.
But it still hurts because at the back of my mind, the thought that people move on is there.
Because there may be a possibility that no second chances will occur, that we may never get to continue where we left off.

Well, basically that's the gist of it.
I have spent hours crying. When I think I've cried enough, I start again when I get reminded of how I'm losing all this, and how unfair all of this is to us but we are completely HELPLESS.
FUCKING COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY HELPLESS.
I can only try to take life as it is right now, open up my options, explore the world slowly, while keeping my best friend close.
And perhaps, PERHAPS, just perhaps, when I graduate in 2.5 years, we will find our way back to each other.
And I hope we do find our way back to each other.
Because we always do.
We always do.

No comments:

Post a Comment