I have made so many mistakes but nothing comes close to this, to disappointing the person closest to you.
And now I will live with it.
This year, God gave me the best thing in my life.
Right now, I'm praying that he doesn't take it away.
Hanging on to some faith that my best friend will forgive me.
Forgive me for hurting him, forgive me for being so selfish.
Forgive me for overlooking the most important thing when I was too overwhelmed by my emotions and clouded by my lack of judgement.
I have cried and cried and cried and cried.
Screamed, banged the table with my fist.
I cannot cope with this. Inside, my soul is dying, piece by piece.
I don't know what is left.
I keep saying I can literally throw myself in front of a moving car right now and I really can.
Not because I'm trying to gain sympathy or to guilt trip anyone, but I am really just helpless.
I can say all the things I want right now and all of it wouldn't matter.
The thing that matters the most is what you want for us.
I will never forgive myself for this.