Monday, 8 June 2015

cut my heart up, will you?

When you are dealing with a broken heart that can no longer function as of now, you try many things.
You try to meet new people.
You try to go out and get your mind off things.
You try to binge watch dramas and shit.
You try to eat your feelings away.

But eventually it all comes back to you, it catches up with you and you crumble again.
Nothing can make things better. Nothing will make you feel better.
And sometimes it makes you wonder, will death make you feel better?

But you have to pull yourself off the edge, it's the only way to keep living.
It's the only way you can move on.


He was never one to make the most sacrifices.
He was never one to stay up late for me because he had to wake up early.
He was never one to stay just because you asked.
Maybe he was just selfish. But then you thought, didn't he use to be so giving and so loving?
People change.
A lot of things change.
And you are never able to reconcile with that.

I can't reconcile with why I have to be dealt such a shit hand in life.
Nothing matches up.
Here I am crying while looking at old photographs I'm about to delete.
I'm deleting them all.
I hesitated initially because some dumbass part of my brain thinks things will change.
Hope is a great thing but at times like this I JUST WANT TO KILL ALL HOPE.
DIE HOPE DIE.

Why do such selfish people exist.
And why do i even spend nights crying over these people. THIS PERSON.
When there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Tonight I am going to delete all traces of you. So that I will never stumble upon an old photograph and start crying like i am doing right now.
I am deleting you. I need to delete you. Because it will never be the same again.
I am throwing away ALL THOSE FUCKING PHOTOGRAPHS I HAVE OF YOU.
Of you smiling and doing cute shit.
Because it isn't happy anymore.
I'm not happy anymore

I AM NOT HAPPY.
I AM A BROKEN PIECE OF MYSELF.
I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS LEFT OF ME.

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