Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Taking back.

The morning I found out, I burst out into tears.
I called my friends. I needed help.
After finding out that there was someone new, I couldn't function as a person.
I felt so many negative emotions.
I felt angry, betrayed, heartbroken, disrespected, wronged and disgusted.

I had a mental breakdown.
I became an empty shell.
I lost myself.

But eventually I decided to woman the fuck up.
I decided to channel all this energy into something else.
I didn't want this mess to ruin me and I thought I could at least make something good out of it.
I needed to do this, I needed to turn this fucked up mess into something more beautiful than the pain I feel.

And I photographed myself.
Loss, emptiness, pain.
Know that all of it was real when I took these photos, and my flaws are all visible.
I wanted to be as raw and vulnerable as I could be.

It felt good to have a part of myself back again, to be able to channel everything into a medium that is so familiar and close to my heart.
And it felt good to be able to be in control of the setting, the angles, the editing etc. 
It just felt good to finally be in control again.

But eventually we will piece ourselves back together.

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